Okay so, we've all seen the Barbie movie right? Yes, it was by far one of the greatest films I've ever seen. But, have you noticed anything about Ken? Exactly, yes you notice him because he's fricking Ken and the actor did an amazing job being Ken. Ken in the Barbie movie is exactly how you'd picture real-life Ken, right? Wrong, while Ryan Gosling did a great job being Ken, I think we can agree he was a little too much like Freddie Prinze Jr. in scooby doo. Now, I assume you're getting a little bored reading about my rant about Ken. So, I will get to my point. If there is going to be a Barbie 2, I should be cast as Ken. Now I know what you're thinking, "But Jacob you have no acting experience, you're too tall, your too young, you're not as ripped as Ryan Gosling." SHUT UP! I know I do not have any acting experience, I know I'm too young, tall, and skinny. HOWEVER, I know how to accessorize, I like horses, I love Sylvester Stallone, I am super manly, I'm super cute, and I've been hitting the weight room. Plus I am a naturally great actor. For these reasons alone I should be at the very least given an interview. So that's it for my small rant. Or is it? NO, IT IS NOT! I WILL NOT LET THIS OPPORTUNITY FOR THE PERFECT KEN SLIP. I WILL BE POSTING ABOUT MY CALLING TO BE THE GREATEST KEN KNOWN TO MAN! VOTE JACOB FOR KEN IN BARBIE 2!!!!!!!

"All heil Hitler!" a very loud and commanding voice shouts as it enters the dining room. I instantly recognize him. "Welcome Adolf! Would you like some juice?" My mom says. "Yes please." Adolf says this time in his regular voice, which is also very... loud. a few seconds later my mom comes back from the kitchen into the dining room and says "Here you are sweetie!" "Thanks Bob's mom." Hitler replies. around a minute later the next guest arrives. "God damn those democrats!" "Mr. Trump, mind your language!" my mom says in a sweet but authoritive tone. "Sorry madam." Donald says as he sits down. "Would you like some juice?" my mom asks "Do you have any diet cola?" "We do!" my mom enters the kitchen to once again grab our guest a drink. while my mother is in the kitchen our third and final guest arrives. "Oh, Hello There!!!" The big, green, buff man says as he sits down while my mom exits the kitchen and enters the dining room. "Oh, hello Shrek~~~" my mom says seductively while she gives Trump his diet cola "Thank you Ms. Ross" my mom ignores Trump "Would you like some juice Shrek~~~?" "Do you have any chocolate milk?" Shrek replies in his regular hot and manly voice "We do, can you help me get it~~~?" "Why would you need help? I've been in your refrigerator before, its on the bottom shelf." Shrek replies with his manly stench leaking into the house. "Never mind." My mother replies disappointed. "I'll get your milk." My mom slowly walks into the kitchen to grab daddy Shrek's milk. "Your mom is so funny" Shrek says as he stares deeply into my soul with his big, green eyes. "She is" I reply. a minute later my mom enters the room and I realize that now is the perfect time. "You all must be wondering why I've gathered us together today." I say as I stand up. My big, Brown, afro touches the ceiling even though I'm only 6'2. "Follow me outside while I explain." I walk into the front yard and whisper "The war criminals are coming." into the hidden microphone taped to my chest. "What was that?" Trump asks "I said it's a nice day out." I reply nervously "It truly is" Hitler replies. As I enter the front yard I feel a sudden pain in my chest... A bullet. I turn to see my killer. It was... No, not him... It couldn't be. It can't be... "Shrek..." I utter "You think we didn't know you had a wire." "We were foolish to trust you." tears start to come to Shrek's eyes "The sad part is... I thought you were kind of cute." I start to cry too. "You've just made a happy mistake." The FBI storms the house and shoot the criminals to death. But my mom escapes to Sudan and becomes a great dictator. I was rushed to the hospital and die a few days later on July 4, 1995.

-The end-

as of today we are partnering with rat comics